24 bizarre Brazilian footballer names, from Wenderson Tsunami to Marlon Brandão


And you thought Hulk, Fred and Bernard were funny...

SINGERS, FILM STARS, BANDS AND MORE

1. Elvis

Why does he love being a footballer? One: for the money. Two: for the show.


 

2. Marlon Brandão 

Men are not born great. They grow great.


 

3. John Lenon

4. Adriano Michael Jackson

Amazing that this collaboration for the ages didn't make headlines around the world.


 

5. Gênesis 

Brazilians love naff old English music, so there's every chance this guy was named after Peter Gabriel's lot rather than the book in the bible. Cool that the club's own Twitter page specifies that they're not referring to the band, too...


 

6. Creedence Clearwater Couto

The daddy of them all. Don't even try to understand it.


 

7. George Lucas

The force is strong in this one.


 

ANMIMALS AND NATURE 

8. Wenderson Tsunami

OK, you must have stolen that from a wrestler or something. Way too cool.


 

9. Robson Bambu

That's Robson Bamboo in Portuguese. He's flexible but surprisingly strong. Probably.


 

10. Heron

Elegant, slim, good in the air...


 

11. Claudio Pitbull 

Bonus points here for the change of handwriting midway through his signature. Lovely, delicate Claudio; big, aggro Pitbull.


 

12. Mosquito 

Buzzing around, irritating opposition defenders... yep, that'll work.


 

OTHER FOOTBALLERS

13. Lynneeker 

That's 'Lineker' spelt really poorly, in case you were wondering.


 

14. Raikard 

That's 'Rijkaard' spelt really poorly, in case you were wondering.


 

15. Rudigullithi

That's 'Ruud Gullit' put through a mangle, in case you were wondering.


 

DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE

16. Yago Pikachu

Absolutely electric, this guy. Although the local press don't get much good copy out of him.


 

17. Mahatma Gandhi Pires 

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.


 

18. Fernando Bob 

19. Pedro Ken 

All the best Brazilian midfielders offset their classic Portuguese names with dull English ones.


 

20. Roberto Dinamite 

The Vasco da Gama legend made his debut as Roberto, but scored such a good goal that a local journalist named him 'Dynamite Boy' in his match report.


 

21. Bactéria 

Genuinely no idea.


 

22. Argel Fucks

Remarkably, this man – now a jobbing manager after his playing career – is even angrier than his name would have you believe.


 

23. Olliver Gulliver 

I might actually call my first son Olliver Gulliver.


 

24. Ben-Hur Moreira Peres

OK, stick a fork in me. I'm done here.