And you thought Hulk, Fred and Bernard were funny...
SINGERS, FILM STARS, BANDS AND MORE
Why does he love being a footballer? One: for the money. Two: for the show.
2. Marlon Brandão
Men are not born great. They grow great.
3. John Lenon
4. Adriano Michael Jackson
Amazing that this collaboration for the ages didn't make headlines around the world.
Brazilians love naff old English music, so there's every chance this guy was named after Peter Gabriel's lot rather than the book in the bible. Cool that the club's own Twitter page specifies that they're not referring to the band, too...
6. Creedence Clearwater Couto
The daddy of them all. Don't even try to understand it.
7. George Lucas
The force is strong in this one.
ANMIMALS AND NATURE
8. Wenderson Tsunami
OK, you must have stolen that from a wrestler or something. Way too cool.
9. Robson Bambu
That's Robson Bamboo in Portuguese. He's flexible but surprisingly strong. Probably.
Elegant, slim, good in the air...
11. Claudio Pitbull
Bonus points here for the change of handwriting midway through his signature. Lovely, delicate Claudio; big, aggro Pitbull.
Buzzing around, irritating opposition defenders... yep, that'll work.
That's 'Lineker' spelt really poorly, in case you were wondering.
That's 'Rijkaard' spelt really poorly, in case you were wondering.
That's 'Ruud Gullit' put through a mangle, in case you were wondering.
DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
16. Yago Pikachu
Absolutely electric, this guy. Although the local press don't get much good copy out of him.
17. Mahatma Gandhi Pires
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
18. Fernando Bob
19. Pedro Ken
All the best Brazilian midfielders offset their classic Portuguese names with dull English ones.
20. Roberto Dinamite
The Vasco da Gama legend made his debut as Roberto, but scored such a good goal that a local journalist named him 'Dynamite Boy' in his match report.
Genuinely no idea.
22. Argel Fucks
Remarkably, this man – now a jobbing manager after his playing career – is even angrier than his name would have you believe.
23. Olliver Gulliver
I might actually call my first son Olliver Gulliver.
24. Ben-Hur Moreira Peres
OK, stick a fork in me. I'm done here.