QPR defender Anton Ferdinand became the latest in a very long, headache-inducing line of footballers to hint at a career in music when he revealed he could have been in pop crooners JLS.
*Googles JLS*…oh THEM!
Anyway, just hold your horses there, Anton, you might want to take a look at these chaps before you get the microphone out. Here are five of the worst footballer/music crossovers ever. (And five of the best. And by best we mean the five not worst).
1. Ryan Babel
When he’s not flying helicopters while photoshopping pictures of referees in Manchester United kits, Ryan Babel loves a bit of rap. Indeed it’s his hobby, which he enthusiastically tells us in this number. Perhaps he should find another past-time.
2. Carlos Tevez
You’d have thought given the amount of time off from football Carlitos has had in recent months, he would have been able to build up an extensive back catalogue of songs. Thankfully we couldn’t find them, but we did find this which features the City striker partaking in some’ Cumbia Villera’ style music, which roughly translates as ‘bloody terrible’
3. Morten Gamst Pedersen
Not content with looking like a member of a bad mid-2000s boy band, Blackburn midfielder Morten Gamst Pedersen went one further by recording a vomit-pop number with fellow footballers Freddy dos Santos, Raymond Kvsvik, Kristofer Hæstad and Øyvind Svenning. It was a massive hit across Scandinavia which can only lead us to assume it came with a free toy or something.
4. Neil Danns
You may not have heard of Neil Danns, and with good reason, the journeyman midfielder of Crystal Palace and Leicester City fame is pretty average. Off the pitch you won’t have heard of Neil Danns either because his music is dog-howlingly awful. Here is a gooey-eyed ‘Dannzy’ just ruining everyone’s day.
5. Franz Beckenbauer
Imagine Ryan Reynolds doing a spoof parody song from a bad German art house film and you go some way to trying to figure out this giant Bratwurst of a song from ‘Der Kaiser’. Even the Germans couldn’t resist the inclusion of the classic ‘clap, clap, clap clap clap, clap clap clap clap, clap clap’ football terrace…er…clap.
But wait! There are some half decent footballer song. No, really! Trust us! Here are literally the only five good ones we could find.
1. Anfield Rap
How can you have a bad song when it has John Barnes rapping on it? You can’t, it’s scientifically proven. Former Antipodean Liverpool midfielder/philanthropist Craig Johnson persuaded his team-mates to dress up like the Fresh Prince of Belair for this song and the result is, well, actually ok.
2. World In Motion
Generally considered the best football song ever recorded, England’s World Cup 1990 effort combines the rap skills of that man against John Barnes, the musical genius of New Order and the, er… facial expressions of Keith Allen.
3. Clint Dempsey
Despite looking scarily like Jake Gyllenhaal in Donnie Darko with his hoodie pulled up and moody eyes, the Fulham midfielder-cum-striker proves he is just as flexible off the pitch with this – rather lyrically limited – rap song. We’ve seen worse. A lot worse.
4. Basil Boli & Chris Waddle
This one is borderline but is so damn catchy it’s going in the ‘good’ bracket. Remember when Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney recoded Ebony & Ivory? This is kind of like that only that it’s nothing like that, but is still half decent. Extra marks for Saved By The Bell style video.
5. Alexi Lalas
The only man in football who manages to look younger as he gets older (the Benjamin Button of soccer if you will), the former USA international was in a rock band called the Gypsies that even opened for Hootie & the Blowfish on a European tour. *Googles Hootie & the Blowfish* …oh THEM! Here is Alexi singing the most insipid of middle of the road indie tunes, but it’s not TERRIBLE.