GK: Iker Casillas – SAINT IKER
The Real Madrid stopper is proof that clean sheets are close to godliness: his exploits over the years have propelled him to sainthood among fans. He’s 2.05 to keep a clean sheet in Spain’s Euro 2012 opener against Italy (Away team not to score).
RCB: Khalid Boulahrouz – THE CANNIBAL
Famed for his propensity to “eat up” opposition forwards, the Dutch defender is certainly a tough customer. Currently without a club, he’ll be hoping to impress in Poland and the Ukraine.
CD: Sergio Ramos – THE PHAROAH OF CAMAS
Sevilla isn’t known for its Egyptian heritage, but one of their most famous footballing sons certainly has the imperious swagger to warrant this nickname. Also known as Tarzan, Ramos is clearly a nickname connoisseur.
LCB: Philipp Lahm – THE MAGIC GNOME
One of the most reliable full-backs in the continent, Lahm likes to relax by donning a pointy red hat and standing at the bottom of his garden. Each to their own.
CM: Anders Svensson – TACO
There’s no mystery here: the veteran Swede got this moniker because he likes eating Tacos. He’ll be hoping to add some crunch to some spicy midfield match-ups this summer. You are what you eat, and all that.
CM: Sebastian Giovinco – THE ATOMIC ANT
Boasting the physique of a teenage jockey, Giovinco has had to prove that he can compete at the highest level. Skilful and intelligent, he will be hoping to produce his explosive best for Italy.
RM: Tomas Rosicky – LITTLE MOZART
The 31-year-old maestro finally hit top gear for Arsenal after Christmas, putting years of injury woe behind him. If the Czechs mount a challenge this summer, their skilful conductor is sure to be at the centre of everything.
LM: Lukasz Podolski – THE PRINCE
Arsenal’s latest signing is footballing royalty. Blessed with a wand of a left foot, he’s a key part of the Germany side that hopes to knock Spain from the Euro throne.
RF: Zlatan Ibrahimovic - IBRACADABRA
A man whose talent is matched only by his ego, Zlatan will be hoping to shine at an international tournament for the first time since… well, ever. If he delves into his box of tricks, we could be in for something special.
LF: Marco Reus – ROLLS REUS
The new kid on the block for Germany, Reus had a great season for Borussia Monchengladbach. As his nickname suggests, he’s a smooth, classy operator.
CF: Andriy Shevchenko - THE WIND OF PASSION
Fans in Italy were obviously blown away by the dashing Ukrainian, choosing to bestow upon him one of the most literate nicknames we’ve ever seen. The veteran will, at the very least, be huffing and puffing his way round the pitch this summer.