The 5 Most Annoying Things About The Premier League Weekend

In a move which surprised only the most unobservant people currently in existence, football took place across the world this weekend. For purposes of ease, attention in this blog will focus mainly on football that took place in England. Further to that, most of the football noted will take in that which occurred in the Premier League. As a treat, though, some foreign football has been included as this is an inclusive place, where everybody is welcome. If you can find me on Twitter, then I’ll give a prize to the person who can tell me which of the five things listed below did not take place in England. Good luck!


Arsene Wenger

Arsene Wenger has delivered to Arsenal and its fans exactly what had been in the post for the past decade. He’s not able to make enough of a break from the past because he’s been vital in establishing the current malaise, using his historical achievements as a method to disarm critics and reject criticism.

He was, to paraphrase David Cameron, the future once. That is no longer the case, and as much as stubbornness is an essential quality for a manager, there comes a point where it simply allows a man with job security to become complacent and unable to properly challenge himself. That doesn’t make him a bad man, but it does make him a malign influence on Arsenal.


Booing Wenger

And at the other end of the Arsenal spectrum are the Arsenal fans booing Wenger as he walks past them to get a train. Not for them a sensible conversation, or perhaps noting all he has achieved. Not for them dignity or basic human respect.

Nope, the bovine hordes incapable of more than one thought at a time - which is an exciting intelligence test, if you ever fancy passing an hour - decided the best course of action was to scream abuse at him as he walked past. Wenger should be sacked or he should resign, that’s true, but he has done nothing that merits such tedious and, unfortunately, inevitable treatment.


Booing Aaron Ramsey

And while we’re doing a list - and what is more thrilling than a listicle? - let’s celebrate the halfway point with another paragraph on Arsenal and booing. This time it was Stoke fans, however, who treated Ramsey to a chorus of boos because he had the temerity, several years back, to have his leg broken by Ryan Shawcross.

Consider me Reggie Perrin and point me in the direction of the sea, please.


People upset with Jose Mourinho

Newcastle United v Chelsea - Premier League : News Photo

Only the staggeringly intellectually inept clowns of this world will have a problem with Mourinho’s reaction to defeat. They will claim that he has no class, and that he’s being ridiculous, and showing a disgraceful amount of disrespect to his opponents. The only answer to this is, I’ve found, to burst into tears in the face of such stupidity.

When Mourinho loses, or faces some problems, he comes up with some ludicrous excuse to distract the very worst of the press and fans, and every time they fall for it. Today, the topic of conversation will be Mourinho and ballboys, it will not be his players’ failure to beat a poor Newcastle side.

This is obvious, anyone with eyes and a fifth of a brain can see that. That this has to be said more than a single time is an indictment of existence.

5 Things We Learned From Newcastle 2-1 Chelsea


Goat disrupts football match in Crete

There’s this billy goat, right, and it comes onto the pitch, right, and it won’t leave, right. And get this, there’s a video of it. Look, mate, look at the video. Look at the video of the goat. Look at it. Yeah, I know. It just won’t leave the pitch. And they want to play football, but there’s a goat in the way, and it won’t leave. Yeah, it’s hilarious. It’s absolutely hysterical. It is genuinely the funniest thing I have seen in my life. It is better than Noble and Silver. It is better than Tommy Cooper. It is better than any joke that any human might have made in the past, might be making now, and might make in the future. It is funnier than the massed human potential and achievement in humour. Look at the video. Look. Look. A goat.


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