"You can expect things from Ashley Young," said Louis van Gaal last month, "...but he is not a Neymar."
One player who is very much a Neymar is, of course, Neymar. So what price the Brazilian wonder at Old Trafford this season? The answer is no price at all, that's what, because of too many reasons you already know, not least the fact Barcelona are banned from putting anything bought with their supposed £240 million fee on the pitch until January.
With that one dealt with, let's look at some players Ed Woodward could dance up to with a realistic chance of getting a drink at the bar with between here and Tuesday. Deadline day is less than a week away, so Manchester United are going to have move fast.
1 Saido Berahino
All the talk, all along, has been of Berahino going to Tottenham. The West Brom striker was subject to a £22 million bid from Spurs on Monday, but the Baggies turned it down and Berahino's transfer saga rumbles on. Could United steal in, play the Chelsea to Tottenham's Man United and mimic what happened with the Pedro situation? Might a suitcase of cash, slammed on the table, get the job done?
The most likely conclusion remains Berahino departing for White Hart Lane, but you'd have to imagine relationships are becoming strained between the negotiating parties now. Might we surmise that another club could already be in the equation, giving West Brom the confidence required to rebuff a huge bag of cash for a young striker who has plenty left to prove?
Some will question whether Berahino is worth paying more than £22 million for. It's a good point, but should a United plump with adidas cash and seriously in need of something extra in the final third be prepared to take the hit?
Berahino is 5.50 to sign for United this summer
2 Kevin De Bruyne
It wouldn't be the first time United had stolen a target from their dear friends across Manchester. Attacking midfielder De Bruyne has been heavily linked to Manchester City all summer, but reports are emerging United may attempt to spoil that deal and get the Belgian to Old Trafford instead.
Could it happen? De Bruyne certainly appears ready to go and Wolfsburg to sell, so much of the hard work may already have been done. If that's the case, United's best move could be playing up the fact he would be a certain starter and potentially a central figure in the returning of Van Gaal's team to past glories. City might promise the same, but undoubtedly have more options in De Bruyne's area.
The last thing he wants is his Chelsea experience all over again, so might De Bruyne be tempted towards red over blue? If it happens, United would be getting a seriously exciting addition with the ability to spark life into their drowsy approach play.
De Bruyne Is 6.00 to join United before the window closes
3 Romelu Lukaku
This rumour did some high mileage at the end of July, since when it's cooled down and Lukaku has blown hot leading Everton's attack. The suspicion would be that the Toffees, fighting all they can to keep John Stones, would surely not countenance another of their star names jumping ship right now - no matter how much United were prepared to throw at them.
If Everton think their fans are unhappy now, Lukaku leaving would just about blow the roof off Goodison in disgust, but such is United's tight business relationship with the club you wouldn't be entirely surprised to see it happen. Think of all the players who have moved between the two in the Premier League era, and then throw in a potential makeweight in the form of Jonny Evans - to help balance out the loss of Stones to Chelsea.
Lukaku is the rollicking type of forward fans warm to immediately. He's young, still raw, and his addition would allow Wayne Rooney to drop back into the three behind with Juan Mata and either Memphis Depay or Adnan Januzaj. He might not be proven at Champions League level, but those type of strikers are few and far between, and simply not for the signing in this transfer window.
Lukaku is 21.00 to be the top scorer in the Premier League this season
4 Felipe Anderson
Not that Anderson. This one could beat the former United midfielder (and cult hero) in a 100m sprint and still have time to set down a picnic blanket for his namesake's arrival at the finish line.
Did I mention that Felipe Anderson is a bit quick? The 22-year-old Brazilian is fresh off a breakthrough season with Lazio in Serie A and undoubtedly has the potential to get United fans off their seats. With lightning quick feet and an eye for goal, he's still early in his development and would represent somewhat of a risk at a big price, but those are the risks you sometimes need to take if a season's fate hangs in the balance of the window.
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