What next for Frank Lampard, the last of the Mou-hicans?



Not since he angrily booted over a globe in his Bloemfontein hotel room in 2010 has Frank Lampard quite had the world at his feet in the way he does now.

With the ongoing love story about an ageing midfielder and his final big contract looking unlikely to culminate in a dramatic dash to the airport and a passionate kiss at departures, the focus will soon turn to which other sultry mistresses of employment he could be picking out bathroom tiles with.

As break-ups go, Chelsea still aren't quite over their whirlwind romance with Jose Mourinho. They might have donated all his nice coats to the British Red Cross as soon as they heard he'd taken the Inter job, but it wasn't until this summer, some five years after he'd walked out, that they found the strength to free themselves of that big box of his stuff. 

Roman Abramovich went through the usual phases of finding someone totally different (Ancelotti), then having a relapse and using one of his mates to make him jealous (Villas-Boas). Now, he seems fully intent on having moved on completely by the time his current fling with Rafa Benitez reaches its inevitable conclusion later this year. Deleting all Jose's recorded programs from the Sky+ box is step one; moving on all the iconic players of his side is step two.

And so, at 34 and without a single whiff of coaching ability on his breath, Frank Lampard must weigh up his potential options away from Stamford Bridge. In ye olden times, footballers would often gracefully step down and open a cheese shop in a rural village. But in the current climate he's unlikely to sustain his £150,000 a week wages by flogging stilton to church-goers. Instead he'll likely opt to a switch for another well-endowed club. Given that he's publicly stated his desire to remain at Chelsea, he clearly believes, however misguidedly, that he still has enough to offer a team pushing for serious honours - and offer it frequently enough to justify a hefty paypacket.

It's difficult to imagine where else he might ply his trade, though, given that very few Premier League sides could afford him. Manchester City and Manchester United already have their full allocations of dwindling Englishmen plodding through the tragic twilights of their career in Gareth Barry and Paul Scholes. His inability to pirouette rules also him out of a move to the Emirates.

Queens Park Rangers, who, now that they've taken on Harry Redknapp, may as well just change the club motto to “YOLO”, would certainly be interested in his services. He certainly fits their transfer policy of exclusively buying 30+ year olds who are both in desperate search of a nest egg and only really rated by people who get their footballing opinions from their end of year Shoot! annual. Plus, like all wayward souls kindly given employment by their uncle, a pay cut and use of the spare bedroom above the garage wouldn't be out of the question. Odds of 5.00 are available on Lampard to head to Loftus Road this summer.

There's also the possibility of a move abroad. In an ideal world he'd probably like to wind the clock back to 2009 and take the aforementioned Mourinho up on that offer of a deal at Inter. Given that he's steadily becoming as mobile as a bedside lamp with a sprained ankle, his best bet may well be a league where breaking into a sprint is not only frowned upon, but was once punishable by having to host your own segment on Football Italia. He's at 35.00 to rejoin Milan, and 50.00 to sign for Italian champions Juventus. Then of course there's a certain team in Los Angeles who have a well-paid English hole to fill. Lampard is at 3.00 with Unibet to be playing for an MLS club after the summer transfer windown.

Of course, Frank's future might be found outside of the game. His acting career has, bizarrely, stalled since his one line in a Tesco advert a few years ago, but given that he often displays all the range of an 8-year-old who's just been told his rabbit's run away when interviewed, a glittering life of panel shows hosted by James Corden could surely await.


Read more from Adam HERE.