After Andy Murray tried and failed, here's how tennis stars could make Fools of us all


Was Andy Murray’s April Fools Day joke the lamest ever? Quite possibly.

On Tuesday he posted the following message on Twitter: “And 2 avoid confusion like last time i will be announcing my new coach tomorrow #pumped

It turns out it was all a hoax. Cue guffaws of laughter as we are all flabbergasted at the ingenuity of his hilarious trick.

Other tennis players didn't fare much better in the Fools Day stakes. Ana Ivanovic feigned shutting down her Twitter account, and Ivo Karlovic pretended he was hiring Ivan Lendl as his own coach. Surely they can do better than that?

In an ideal April Fools world, here are some jokes that might really get people gossiping.

 

Roger Federer switches allegiance to South Africa:

 

Given his rather lacklustre commitment to the Swiss Davis Cup team, a switch to the nation of his mother’s birth would be totally believable. And the resulting furore would be turbulent.

 

Serena gets engaged to Hollywood actor:

The American No.1 has always had her sights set on Hollywood domination. What better way to kickstart her acting career than to marry an A-list actor?

But which bachelor might she realistically hook up with?

Ryan Gosling? Leonardo DiCaprio? Hmmmm. That would take some leap of faith.

What about Jamie Foxx, though? Remember how he serenaded her with his song at ESPN’s award show, the ESPYS? He obviously has a major crush on her.

“Can I be your tennis ball?” he sung. “You can smack me up against the wall, baby. Do it slow or do it fast. We can go 15-love, 30, 40-love, advantage you, until we get deuce, baby!”

(The rest of the lyrics are a touch saucy to repeat here.)

 

Andre Agassi gets a hair transplant:

After all that nonsense about wearing a wig at Wimbledon, it would make sense for the sport’s most famous baldie to get some follicular therapy.

If Wayne Rooney can get away with it…

 

John McEnroe is appointed UNICEF ambassador:

He may be the rudest man in tennis, but thanks to his international renown, it’s not impossible that UNICEF might sign him up as a goodwill ambassador.

After all, Serena is one, and look how she treats match officials.

 

Victoria Azarenka gets hypnosis to cure her grunting:

What with all her mega-decibel grunting, Vika the shrieker has quite a reputation as the loudest player on court.

Players, fans and officials would gladly latch onto any story about her receiving psychotherapy for her affliction.

 

Vladimir Putin upgrades Kremlin Cup to Grand Slam status:

He’s already annexed Crimea so promoting his hometown tennis tournament from an ATP 250 to a Grand Slam would hardly be presumptuous.

 

Maria Sharapova comes out:

The crack of broken hearts the world over would be deafening if tennis’s darling were to confess that she shopped the other side of the street.

Actually, most male fans would refuse to believe it.

 

By the way, there’s nothing foolish about the Unibet odds for the French Open:

With the women, Serena is hot favourite to win at 2.40, followed by Li Na at 5.00, Simona Halep at 7.00 and Maria Sharapova and Victoria Azarenka both available at 8.00.

When it comes to the men, Rafa Nadal is favourite at 1.70, followed by Novak Djokovic at 2.60, Stanislas Wawrinka 10.00 and Roger Federer and David Ferrer both priced at 15.00.